Advent 2&3 Accepting and Journeying
It’s 6.30am. I’ve been up for an hour, surprisingly not because of the toddler but because my mind is active. I’m replaying some of what’s been going on in my life over the past few weeks. It’s big, grown-up career stuff. It hasn’t felt tranquil or included many candles or carols or chestnuts roasting on open fires. It’s ended well and I’m happy but it’s been a LOT.
I’ve been replaying my favourite prayer in the Corrymeela prayer book written by Pádraig O’Tuama:
God of Elizabeth,
When Elizabeth heard news of joy,
she celebrated
not because she was part of an important story
but because a kind story
had wrapped itself around her,
and the disgrace she had endured
was lightened.
Lighten the places of our disgraces. Lighten them.
Wrap yourself and your story around us.
Because you can be the great story
that surrounds us.
Amen
- Padraig O Tuama, Daily Prayer with the Corrymeela Community
Each month it’s on the 5th day that this prayer appears in the guide for reflection and it grounds me and enlivens me. The riff on disgrace refers to a verse in Luke 1:25: ‘The Lord has done this for me … he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.’ I could write lots about the cult of female fertility and the many layers to that discussion but I’ll sidestep that (though hit me up if you want to talk). I texted Pádraig once to ask how he interpreted ‘lightening’ our disgraces. ‘Giving air and light to them, he said, ‘softening them. Bringing them out of the shadows.’ Exactly that, I thought. Something unexpected had happened for Elizabeth with the late surprise of an unexpected pregnancy. The shadows of disgrace which she was placed under by society was lightened and relieved a little… and yet in the midst of that relief she still wasn’t the centre of the story.
When I have big, adult life events happening I – sadly inevitably – put myself right at the centre. But as this prayer has looped round my head these past few weeks I’ve been struck by the ‘great story’ wrapping itself around her. There were other, very important things happening. There were other ordinary things happening. That in turn reminded me of John O’Donohue’s Blessing for a Leader – which I sometimes read when I’m brushing my teeth – and the line ‘may you never make yourself the centre of things.’
Where am I heading with this? (Forgive me, it’s early). In what I’ve had going on over the past few weeks I’ve been trying to keep my bit of the story, and the pain, challenge and joy that it has included, not central to everything. There are other ordinary and extraordinary things happening. There are people I love, people who need me to be part of their stories: their caring responsibilities, their house decisions, their redundancy fears. I’ve been learning that keeping my stuff in a tiny bit more perspective than usual and helping others carry theirs hasn’t made my challenges any greater. In fact it has lightened my load a little, it’s dissolved some of it’s power over me, it’s given me (gasp) a tiny reprieve; part distraction, part privilege, part gratitude.
Sending early morning love from the floor where I’m now meant to be building a big tower with my two year old son (not a carol or candle in sight). X
